Quarter Life Crisis

I was reading a book yesterday afternoon when I suddenly felt that I was about to breakdown.

Again, for no reason at all.

I just cried and cried.

1. I felt that I wanted to kill myself yesterday. NO KIDDING.
2. I felt that I'm not in the company that I deserve. Or I'm in the wrong career path.
3. I felt that I'm living in the wrong country.
4. I felt that I've made so many wrong decisions lately.
5. I felt that I've been a nonsense person the past months. (Notice the nonsense blogposts.)

I asked myself, what if

1. I had a lot of money, would this answer my problems? (Maybe not)
2. I were to live in Brussels, would I be encouraged to work my ass off?
3. I had accepted the job offer, will I be happy?
4. I were healthier, and had no problems or whatsoever with my hormones, would everything be different?
5. I won the lottery, will I be contented?

I have a lot of friends who chose their career to have loads of money. They ended up miserable because they grew old without a family to call their own. Up to now, they're still looking for the right person even if they're almost 50 years old.

I have a lot of friends who are lucky enough to be born with a silver spoon in their mouth. I wasn't one of them. I don't even know how to drive a car. I can't even swipe my credit card without computing. I even think twice whenever I want to buy a new pair of Grendha sandals.

I have some friends who are very dependent on their partners to get everything that they want. They forget their identity just because they think that the partner can support them. I don't want to be like that. I am still an individual with my own dreams.

I have a lot of friends who choose or try to be happy amidst all the problems. I want to be like that.

Husband and mum always tell me not to think too much because it will affect Lilly.


I don't even know if I'm happy. I may look happy because they always tell me I'm blooming. But maybe, just maybe it's the hormones.

I need to go out somewhere. I want to be alone. :) Can somebody send me an e-ticket to somewhere? Somewhere really quiet?

The best place I could think of right now is the tomb of my late father at Magallanes Church.

I want to reevaluate my life.

Can somebody hug me?

Please.